


Never On Your Own

by meowsaystheemo, sunshineflying



Series: tshaw and evie [10]
Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 19:56:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5018278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowsaystheemo/pseuds/meowsaystheemo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Final installment for the tshaw & evie verse.</p><p>Slowly but surely, One Direction begins to find their way back to each other, but the question of whether they're going to do a reunion show still looms in the back of their minds. Louis treks halfway across the globe to confront Harry about it while Niall adjusts to being a single father and Zayn makes a big move across the world. Through tough conversations, love, and loss, the men of One Direction finally find closure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never On Your Own

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say a special thank you to each and every person who has given feedback along the way in this verse. It's been such an adventure, and I've grown so attached to these characters you guys have helped me to create. Special thanks to Laura and Kara, who have been the greatest source of encouragement I could have ever asked for.
> 
> And Jen -- to all of you who enjoy this chapter, the credit truly goes to Jen, whose brilliant ideas for Harry and his world and motives have made this chapter what it is. It was truly a pleasure getting to co-write this with you. <3
> 
> Thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoy this final installment in my tshaw & evie verse.

Just as Niall was there in support of everyone else when they had their children, they all did the same for him.

Five weeks passed by in the blink of an eye, and when he found out that the birth mother was going in to be induced, he got jittery and called everyone, too excited to wait much longer. His flat is baby-proofed now, with a nursery all dressed up in nice pastels and plenty of nappies, bottles, and clothes for the little one, and he’s ready. He knows he’s meant to be a father, knows he’s got the skills down pat; he just needs to have the baby.

Thankfully, now the baby is on his way.

It’s a little boy, and Niall’s narrowed it down to two names.

He’s already in the hospital lobby when everyone else arrives, pacing back and forth. Nick’s mum and dad have come down to watch the kids, and Sophia’s sister Zoe is watching their kids, so Nick, Louis, Liam, and Sophia can gather in the hospital to support Niall. They coax him into sitting down when they arrive, but he’s antsy.

As they wait in the waiting room, his knee is bouncing and he’s chewing his fingernails as he looks over at the hallway, down toward the maternity rooms like if he checks enough times, the baby will magically arrive. Louis is smiling fondly as he watches, and Sophia pats his shoulder and says, “It’s fun, isn’t it? Waiting.”

“It makes me so bloody nervous,” Niall mumbles as his teeth snag on some skin by his fingernail. He sucks it, shakes his hand and tries to focus on the baby again.

When a nurse comes down the hall and says he’s here, that Niall can meet his son, they all smile at him. Nick thinks it’s beautiful, seeing the big excited grin spread wide onto Niall’s face. He looks so happy -- happier than Nick’s ever seen him before -- and he couldn’t be more excited for him. Excitedly, Niall walks down the hallway, moving briskly whilst everyone follows behind him.

He freezes once he’s in the room, and he’s staring at the tiny little cot where they can see little legs kicking in some blue swaddling. There, in a pile of blankets and a little blue cap that’s sliding off of his bald head, is Niall’s son.

He walks in slowly and looks down, taking him in for a minute with awe. The little baby coos up at him, watches him through big, dark eyes, and Niall slowly, ever so gently, lifts him up into his arms. Nick knows that Niall’s plan from the start was to choose a name once he sees him; he was sure that one look would tell him exactly which name would fit him best. He sees the awe on Niall’s face and lets him have a moment before he asks, “What’s his name?”

Louis is grinning, peeking over his shoulder whilst the rest of them circle Niall as well, taking a good look at this little baby in his arms, the newest addition to the growing crowd of One Direction babies. “Deaglan,” Niall says softly. He reaches out with one hand to slide his finger into his son’s tiny fist. “Deaglan Niall Horan.”

Liam smiles, and Sophia coos, “That’s so sweet. It really suits him.”

She gently puts Deaglan’s hat back on his head where it’s slipping off, and Liam pats Niall’s shoulder as they look down at this little baby, the child Niall fought so hard for. They’re proud of him for pushing for what he knew he wanted, for putting up with the bullshit from people who thought he shouldn’t be a single father, that he needed to be in a relationship or married before he could experience this. They know it took a lot of work to get to this point and they’re so glad Niall did it. He’s happier now than they’ve seen him in a long time - since One Direction - and it feels like everything is falling into place.

They sit in the lounge with Niall for a while as he feeds Deaglan and puts him in a little green BabyGro. He’s such an easy baby to care for, doesn’t cry nearly as much as the triplets did, and Niall is so content it makes everyone else so happy for him.

Louis and Liam have offered to go fetch some food for them from the canteen, and as they’re leaving the room they nearly crash into another visitor.

They nearly run into Zayn.

He looks nervous, and he’s got his girlfriend Gigi behind him. Hesitantly, he asks, “How’s he doing? Can I go in?”

Zayn looks between the both of them, and Liam, ever the excited one, pulls Zayn into a big hug. Louis gives him a hug as well, but he’s clearly surprised by the sudden appearance of Zayn in London, when he’s been out in LA for so long. It’s crazy to Louis, seeing him without warning like this.

“He’s great. _So_ happy,” Liam says happily.

Abruptly, Louis blurts out, “What are you doing here?”

Liam’s smile falls, but Zayn doesn’t look fazed. He’s expected a response like this, knew it was coming even if he and Louis are on good terms again.

“Niall’s called me a lot lately,” Zayn explains. “Talking about how you and Nick helped him with like, coming to terms with everything? And all the stress with the adoption applications and getting denied for it so many times, and like… I’ve been looking at coming back out here anyway. I figure now’s as good a time as any, you know? And of course I want to meet him.”

Louis tries not to be sore about it, to throw in Zayn’s face that he was never there for the birth of any of _his_ kids, or Liam’s either, for that matter. Zayn’s only made it to one birthday party, too -- Evie’s third -- but that’s better than Harry, who hasn’t come back to London in ages, and also ignores most messages, choosing instead to occasionally reply to emails and send gifts for the kids. They’re inviting him to the triplets’ first birthday party, coming up in only four months or so, but Louis isn’t expecting him to show.

So Louis reminds himself that Zayn could be worse, that he could be letting them down like Harry, and he nods. “He’s doing great. His son’s so adorable,” he says, and he doesn’t sound as friendly as he’d hoped.

Zayn eyes Louis curiously, like he’s not sure what’s gotten into him or why things are suddenly weird again, but he lets it go.

“We’re just going to the canteen,” Liam says, hoping to break the awkwardness. “Can I grab you anything?”

“I’m good,” Zayn says. “Jet lag and all that. I’ll see you guys back in here, then?”

Liam nods and leads Louis away to the canteen before it can get weirder than it already has. 

As soon as Louis sees Zayn with Deaglan and Niall though, he forgets his frustration. Zayn’s clearly glad to be back, and there’s something about the way he looks at Gigi like he’s hoping for her approval -- like he’s hoping she’ll like London.

Louis learns from Nick later that Zayn’s thinking about moving back to the UK, studying a master’s course in art history because he’s really found a passion there, and he wants her to come with. Louis thinks it’ll be nice to have Zayn around again. He’ll be able to meet his kids, to become part of their group again, without the constant pressures of the media.

Louis is also hoping it means a One Direction reunion. He’s itching for one, hates that it’s been eight years since they announced a hiatus, since they promised they’d return. He’s aware that most of their fanbase has since given up on them, but he wants the reunion for _them_. They’d ended so suddenly, so abruptly compared to the pace of life they’d been living, that the whole chapter of Louis’s life feels incomplete. It’s like someone ripped out the last pages of a novel before he could finish it, leaving him to wonder what happens in the end, how it all closes -- if there’s closure at all.

As they find out in the weeks to come, Zayn gets into the master’s course and tells Gigi he’s making the move to London, with or without her.

Louis is incredibly happy for Zayn, seeing the text message that he should send the birthday party invites to both of them, instead of just him alone.

And speaking of, just as he’d expected, Harry declines attendance at the triplets’ first birthday party. Louis can’t say he’s surprised, but he’s incredibly disappointed. He tells Nick as much, but Nick’s got nothing to offer in the way of advice.

“I’m sorry, love. I dunno why he’s like this,” Nick tells Louis as they lay on the sofa, Nick’s head in Louis’s lap as they watch reruns of _Sherlock_ for the millionth time. “He sends me emails on occasion, but they’re not detailed.”

Louis’s expression is dark and he just pets Nick’s hair gently as they watch the telly. Pig is sat on the floor in her dog bed, sleeping like she always does.

She’s getting old now, but she’s doing alright. She sleeps more than she’s awake and they usually have to coax her into eating now, but she’s good.

A week before the triplets’ birthday party, Pig has a vet’s appointment. She’s been whimpering on and off for days now, and did it a bit in the past, but it’s gotten worse. Nick’s clearly worried for her - they all are - but they’re waiting for good news from the vet. “It’s just old age,” Louis keeps humming to everyone when they worry.

It’s old age, but it’s also more.

She’s ill -- the vet says it’s cancer -- and the words echo in Nick’s ears. He’s petting Pig’s head, looking to her for comfort even though she’s the one who needs it the most. “We can put her on pain medication for now, and begin some more specific diagnostic exams to prepare her for therapy,” the vet informs them. “Lymphoma in dogs is getting easier to treat - I’d suggest we try chemotherapy to start.”

Nick’s other hand is clutched tightly in Louis’s, and Louis is trying to be brave. “How long does she have?” he asks.

“Without treatment, I would say about four to six weeks. With chemotherapy, we’re looking at six to twelve months, depending how she responds to it,” explains the vet.

Nick bends over to look into Pig’s eyes as she lays there sadly on the exam table. Louis frowns as he watches Nick, and his heart hurts too because Pig is _their_ dog, and she’s in pain, and he wants to fix it. He can tell that Nick’s not going to be able to make any decisions that afternoon, so he says, “Can we get her some pain medication and think about it? Just overnight, we won’t put it off for long. We just… need time to process.”

“Of course,” the vet nods. They write out a prescription for Pig and hand it to Louis.

Nick lifts Pig to put her on the floor, but she lays down with a whimper. “Oh, come here love,” he whispers, and he picks her up. She’s heavy, but he doesn’t mind, not when she’s in so much pain.

When they get home, Louis gives Pig some medicine when he feeds her, and Nick tries his best to not look sad around the kids. He doesn’t know how to tell them. Pig’s been around their whole life.

They decide not to tell them, and that night they let Pig curl up in bed with them instead down on her dog bed. Nick pets her all night as she lays between them, looking a little more peaceful, and Louis looks across at Nick sadly. He cards his fingers through Nick’s graying hair and asks, “What do you want to do?”

Nick looks down at Pig and then back up at Louis. He hasn’t seen Nick so sad before - ever. Louis’s heart aches for his husband, and he hates thinking about how sad this is going to make everyone, but he wants to do right by Nick.

“I don’t want her to hurt,” is all Nick says.

His voice is soft and raspy and he says, “I want to say chemo, because I want to keep her as long as possible, but isn’t that painful?”

Louis shakes his head. “I did some searching earlier. For dogs, it’s not so bad,” he says. “It’s different than human chemo -- they don’t always have the same side effects, and with dogs it’s like… you’re buying them time, rather than trying to wipe it out as fast as possible like humans do.” Louis pats Pig’s head and says, “I saved some sites where owners talked about their experiences with their dogs and cancer… they said it helped. Their dogs were running around and playing and there’s a chance she’ll eat better, because the steroids will give her an appetite. It might make her happy.”

Louis is scared too, but he’s being brave for Nick. He’s got to. Pig is Nick’s baby, the dog he’s had for what feels like his whole life, because she’s been there for him through everything. She’s like another member of their family.

“Whatever you want to do, Nick,” Louis says softly. “I support it.”

Nick’s scared too, but he wants more time with Pig. He wants to see her happy again. He nods, and he says, “Okay,” and Louis knows what that means.

Pig has one more appointment with the vet before the birthday party, so they can sort out a treatment plan for her, and then it’s time to celebrate. Pig isn’t feeling better yet, but she’s on pain medication so she moves a bit easier, and she nuzzles each of the triplets as they run around excitedly on their first birthday, at their party.

Everyone is there, it seems, except for Harry. Nick and Louis are both disappointed, but that lasts for a total of five seconds before they’re pulled this way and that by all the excitement. Toby gets his first football for his birthday, which Louis teaches him how to kick later, out on the lawn. Alfie gets a little tricycle that he loves to propel himself around on, and he rolls into Nick’s shin at least a dozen times too many. Nick is icing a bruised leg by the time the party is over.

And Poppy -- well, she’s just as much trouble as she was when she was born, running around and hiding under things so her dads can’t find her and panic when she’s nowhere to be seen.

Her favourite place is hiding in Zayn’s leather jacket, where she likes to tuck her face into the sleeve, right by his armpit, and she giggles like mad as her dads pretend they can’t find her. She doesn’t leave Zayn’s lap for most of the day, which he finds completely endearing. Zayn is clearly her favourite person, and at the end of the day she cries her head off when he leaves.

And well -- Louis would be far more irritated with her crying if he didn’t have a big grin plastered on his face at the fact that he and the boys had talked, and now they’re pushing for a reunion. The only piece of it that they’ve got to sort out is Harry.

Louis has graciously volunteered to go out to LA to talk to Harry about it, to corner him some way, somehow, until they can at least talk and sort out why he doesn’t want to come back to the band.

His trip is only a few months away, but it feels like a lifetime.

He almost doesn’t go.

Only three weeks into her chemotherapy treatments, Pig passes away.

Nick and Louis realize it before they get the kids up for bed, that she’s gone in her sleep right there on the bed with them, and it’s heartbreaking.

They don’t wake the kids up for school or nursery, and they don’t go into work that day, and Nick and Louis take off work the rest of the week.

The vet says it was her lowered immune system, due to the chemotherapy. She must have picked something up whilst they were walking her, because she got sick and it was too much for her weakened immune system to handle.

Nick cries into Louis’s shoulder for hours that day, and Louis cries with him. It’s more than he can bear, seeing Nick so sad. The triplets don’t really get it, but the other kids do. Evie cries the most, but Ollie is sad too, moping around all day. Zayn and Gigi come over to help them out, to keep the triplets occupied whilst they try to sort out what to do with Pig, and how to best help Evie and Ollie.

It’s the worst feeling Nick and Louis have ever experienced; worse than the breakups, worse than the fights, worse than anything they’ve felt before, aside from losses of other family members. Nick has half a mind to keep the ashes, but they take them to the backyard instead, bury them underneath Pig’s favourite tree.

Evie and Ollie work together to make a little headstone, some sticks and rocks all hot-glued together, a beautiful, wonderful mess under the tree.

For days, everyone goes on like there’s a hole in their heart, and in some ways, there is. Pig’s not there to feed in the mornings -- Nick’s put food in her bowl more than once. It’s such a part of his daily routine he doesn’t know how to stop it.

Evie, whilst helping to clean up the triplets’ toys in the lounge, finds one of Pig’s toys wedged under the sofa. As soon as she realizes what it is, she bursts into tears. When Nick finds her crying, he sits down with her and cries too, because he understands how sad she is. He hates that she has to feel this way.

And slowly but surely, they begin to move on. Ollie asks once why they don’t get another dog, but Evie yells at him, snaps angrily at him that nobody can ever replace Pig, and Ollie cries. It’s a mess, but Nick and Louis are with Evie on this one. They’re not ready to try to fill that spot in their lives yet. Maybe one day they will be, but that day won’t happen anytime soon.

They’re doing better by the time Louis is packing his bags for his short trip to LA, but he still feels like maybe he should stay behind, just in case. Everything feels so fragile, and he knows he could send someone else to LA to talk to Harry, if he really wanted.

“We’re going to be alright, love,” Nick insists, walking up behind Louis as he’s folding things in his suitcase. Nick’s hands fall on Louis’s hipbones and he kisses his cheek. “It’s just a few days.”

Louis sighs. “I dunno what to say to him,” he confesses. “We haven’t properly spoken in years, it feels like.”

“I know,” Nick nods. “He’s been really distant. But if anyone can get him to crack and let us know why he’s being like this, it’s you.”

With a frown on his face, Louis turns in Nick’s arms and in a moment of vulnerability, he collapses into a hug and tries to draw as much comfort from him as possible. Nick holds him, doesn’t mock like he might have when they first started dating, and instead just plants a kiss atop Louis’s head and rubs his back.

“You’re sure you don’t want me to drive you to the airport in the morning? I can call Liam or Sophia, they could sit here whilst I drive you,” Nick offers again.

“I’m sure,” Louis whispers. “I fly out so early… you should sleep when you’ve got the chance.”

He looks up at Nick, and Nick cups his cheek as they look into each other’s eyes. It’ll be the first time they’re away from each other for such an extended period of time in a very, very long time. Nick kisses him gently and whispers, “We’ll miss you whilst you’re away.”

Louis curls against Nick’s chest again and mumbles into the fabric of his shirt, “I’m going to miss you too. All of you. I’ll call every day.”

“Not if we call you first,” Nick laughs.

\----

It’s not like Harry intended for things to drift this badly with the boys. It was never his intention that he’d only see their kids grow up through photos, never thought he’d be engaged to a person his band have never even met and more than that he never thought he’d decline making music with them but that’s the way the last few years have panned out. Harry can’t fully regret the time apart from them all. At thirty, he knows himself well enough to understand that trying to maintain normalcy with Nick would never have worked. He’s so happy for the life Louis and Nick have built but he’d be a liar if he said it didn’t sting for a long time, that he didn’t occasionally imagine himself in place of Louis. The time apart it’s afforded him the opportunity to grieve something that was never really his and it’s also given him Adam. 

Adam Yandell was everything Harry hadn’t really expected he’d find but everything he ever wanted. Taller and older than Harry with a smile that managed to both calm him and send a million butterflies off in his stomach, Adam had a centering effect that Harry had never found in anyone else. 

The day they’d met Harry had come into the emergency room with his neighbour’s child, an incident with an inflatable and the shallow end of Harry’s pool resulting in a broken arm. A paediatrician, Adam didn’t really have much knowledge or concern for the fame side of Harry’s life had simply treated him like he would any other person entering the hospital. This anonymity had only added to the instant pull Harry had felt for the older man.

So though Harry had his regrets he was also aware that the kind, patient man who made every day of Harry’s life that little bit better would never have become a part of his life had it not been for him avoiding his life in London. 

Harry knew he couldn’t avoid everyone forever that eventually he’d like to let them know about Adam and his son Nathan, but the time never really felt right and no part of him expected Louis to make the first move.

Harry’s sat with his legs dangling listlessly in the pool as Adam approaches him, squeezing at his shoulder before he speaks. “Babe, there was an angry looking guy out by the gate insisting he knows you and he should be let in.” He pauses, brushing his thumb against the back of Harry’s neck. “I was going to call the cops but then he said he’s Louis from the band and his face does match one of the guys on the gold record in our bathroom. So I think you need to talk to him.” He leans in close to Harry and kisses his cheek. “He’s in the kitchen. Offered him coffee and he looked like I offered to kick his first born.” 

Harry’s heart thumps hard in his chest, blood rushing in his ears he looks up at Adam with a mix of confusion, fear and also a tiny bit of amusement because of course a simple phone call wouldn’t suffice for Louis, only a long haul flight would work. Harry stands, beads of water dripping down his bare legs and onto the sun warmed flagstones. He swallows, leaning up on the tips of his toes to press a kiss against Adam’s lips, gently squeezing the larger mans hips before steeling himself for whatever awaits him inside. 

Louis isn’t sure who the guy was over the intercom system or where on earth Harry’s been living, since the place doesn’t look familiar, all he knows is that he’s really close to talking to him and he doesn’t know what in the world he’s supposed to say. When he reaches the front door he rings the doorbell, irritated, and waits with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

He’s had a long flight, but he’s not in town long so he wanted to do this right away, to talk to Harry and sort things out and try to get him to come back for just _one_ show, at least. He’s shown in by a strange, older looking man, and that only makes Louis even the more confused, because he hadn’t known Harry was seeing someone -- or that he’d gone old school and gotten a butler. Louis isn’t sure which is the more viable option at this point.

Louis sits at a stool at the kitchen counter and sips at his cup of coffee -- he’d prefer some Yorkshire tea, but he’ll take whatever caffeine he can get at this point -- and he looks down into the steaming mug as he waits. Wherever Harry is, he seems to be taking his sweet time, and Louis isn’t surprised in the least.

He takes a few deep breaths, reminding himself that this is just Harry, that he’s the same Harry he flirted with when they were on X-Factor, the same Harry he’s toured the world time and time again with, and the same Harry that sends sweet gifts to his kids. How bad could this really be? Calmer than he was before, Louis waits with more patience at the kitchen counter, a deep frown etched on his face.

Adam trails after Harry as they head inside of the house. It’s too quiet as Harry first sees Louis silent save for the sound of the crash of the ocean the house looks out on. With well-practiced ease, Adam tucks Harry into his side, kissing his head before releasing him. He leans close to Harry’s ear to whisper, “I’ll let you guys talk. Holler if you need anything, okay?” Harry offers a nod, squeezing at his hand as he walks away to Louis. 

The silence is still thick as Harry clears his throat reaching round to scratch at the back of his neck. “So...” he doesn’t ask anything more, just takes a seat on a stall across from Louis letting him take the opportunity to start the conversation however he wishes. 

Louis takes a sip of coffee, the mug hovering by his lips. “You’re alive,” Louis hums.

Harry nods, long fingers drumming against the marble of the counter top. “Seems so yeah.” He feels restless already, hopping off the stall to sort himself a drink. “Why are you here Lou?”

As Louis sets down his mug, there’s an abrupt thud, and he looks at Harry with annoyance on his face. “Why am I here? Seriously? That’s your question?” Louis sighs heavily and takes a moment to calm himself down again. “The same reason we’ve been trying to reach you for the past three years, at least. The lads want a reunion. You’re the missing piece.”

The look of annoyance Louis shoots him is so familiar that it sends a strange spark of nostalgia off in the pit of Harry’s stomach. He ignores it choosing to respond a little icely “The four of you could sell out shows just fine.” Harry sighs, pulling open the fridge to retrieve a bottle of water before he even speaks again. “I don’t not want too. It’s just a complicated thing.” 

“Compli -- ,” Louis stammers. He’s full-on angry now, watching Harry so casually brush him off in real time rather than in emails or text messages. It stings more, makes Louis wondered how Harry ever meshed with them as a group in the past, if he’s so willing to throw it all away now. “What the _fuck_ does that even mean, Harry?”

Louis feels like he’s at his wits end, though they’ve only exchanged a few sentences. The group isn’t the same without the five of them being there -- even Zayn is willing to come back for the reunion. “We never got back together like we promised the fans we would,” Louis snaps. “The least we can do is get together as a group of five and do one show for them.” His voice is ice cold and the words are cutting and harsh, but Louis doesn’t care.

Something snaps within Harry, everything he’s squashed and held back for so many years suddenly feels dangerously close to the surface; his fingers flex on the water bottle. “I couldn’t do it okay? I needed to protect myself or I would have gone mad, Lou.” Louis rolls his eyes, scoffing at what sounds like a bullshit excuse. Harry presses his back against the counter, spotting that Adam isn’t far if he does want to run. 

“I loved Nick.” 

He says it so quietly that he’s mildly impressed Louis even picks up on it, can see that he does through the quick shift of his features giving him away. 

The words hit Louis like a ton of bricks, the confession out of Harry about how he felt -- how he wanted _Louis’s husband_. The pieces click into place in his head, the distance and the way he’d avoid them so deliberately, find reasons to never be around them, especially at the same time.

“That’s what this is about?” Louis asks, his voice suddenly softer. He’s got his eyes trained in on Harry, his gaze strong and piercing. “You love my husband so you’re not going to do a reunion show with the band?”

Harry shakes his head, eyes lingering on the figure of Adam sat in their living room. “I don’t love him. Not anymore.” He takes a long swallow from his water bottle, idly fiddling with the cap as he screws it back on, eyes trained on his shoes, focusing on anything but Louis. “I thought once I told you, you wouldn’t want me around him or around the kids,” he sighs. “I just thought it’d be easier to stay away.” 

Louis is quiet. He doesn’t quite know how to process this information, the fact that one of his closest friends has felt this way for years and Louis was none the wiser. “Harry…” Louis trails off. He doesn’t know what to say. Lamely, he settles on, “You could have told me or something. I wouldn't have done that to you, keep you from seeing them.”

“No I really couldn’t Lou.” He looks up this time, green eyes meeting Louis’ blue for the first time since they’d started talking. “I wanted to be you so badly sometimes.” he laughs a little, the sound broken and twisted. “Then I’d feel terrible because what kind of fucked up person thinks like that? I was so happy for you. But I still had this empty feeling that I couldn’t fill no matter how many models I went home with,” he sighs. “I just convinced myself that removing myself was better in the long run.” 

“That still doesn’t explain what’s happening now, though,” Louis says. He feels like he sounds harsh, winces at the sound of his own words, but tries his hardest to keep his voice gentle. Harry’s being honest with him, so he knows he has no right to be angry. “If you don’t love him anymore, then why can’t you come back and do the reunion?” Louis wonders. 

He takes a sip of coffee and then fiddles with the handle, turning the cup in circles on the counter as he says, “We all want it. Even Zayn. He’s just moved back to London for grad school, did you know that?” He doesn’t think Harry does; none of them had really heard from him. But he figures if even Zayn comes back, then Harry will really feel obliged. Louis isn’t above bribery to get this reunion to happen. He really wants the closure of the group, to feel like there’s a real end to them, if that’s what’s happening.

“Self preservation?” he shrugs his shoulders, curls bouncing a little as he does. “Too embarrassed to admit that it had gotten past the point where I should have spoken up?” He knows it was probably a little bit of pride too but he’s not sure he’s ready to really admit that to anyone but himself. At the mention of Zayn he smiles, “I knew he’d moved. Didn’t know it was for school though. Good on him.” 

Harry pushes off the counter, moving to take a seat across from Louis again. “Can I think about it?” He cards a hand through his hair biting his lip. “Need to talk to Adam I guess, see if we can put back the wedding for a bit.” 

Louis feels a lump form in his throat and he sets down his mug of coffee, no longer having the appetite for even a sip more. “Oh,” he replies stupidly. He never imagined that they’d be to this point, the one where Harry doesn’t even tell Louis when he’s _engaged_. Dating, he could understand, but engaged? It stings. Louis frowns deeply and his voice goes soft. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want, I guess.” He knows he hasn’t got control of anything to do with the band anymore, least of all Harry. Part of Louis wonders why he even tried. Harry’s got his own life now, a life without them.

He’s suddenly filled with the great urge to get the hell out of there. Harry’s like a stranger to him and it fills Louis with endless sadness. He doesn’t know where they go from this point.

Louis’ famously never been good at schooling his features into something neutral, his face reads like a book and it’s been years but Harry can still plainly see his displeasure. “It’s recent,” he offers. “The engagement I mean. Asked me the weekend of the triplets’ birthday. I was going to fly out but Adam insisted I couldn’t break our date that Friday night. I didn’t want to leave him our first weekend as fiancés, so I stayed.” He holds out his hand to show Louis a plain looking silver ring. “I wouldn’t have kept that from you all, Lou. That wouldn’t have happened. I’ve only told Gemma and mum.”

Louis’s eyes are trained down on the counter, into the half-empty mug of lukewarm coffee, and he wants to look anywhere but at the ring on Harry’s finger. His eyes darken and his face goes moody when he hears when it happened. “We gave you _months_ to plan for their party,” Louis says bitterly. “Why’s he suddenly more important?” He stands up from the counter and says, “It’s okay, alright Harry? Congrats or whatever. I’m glad you’re happy out here.” Louis starts backing up and he can’t repress the urge to get out of there anymore. “We’ll… whatever. Let us know what you decide on the reunion then, I guess.”

He gets it now, feels like Harry doesn’t really want to be a part of their lives anymore, realizes this Adam guy ranks above the rest of them. Louis looks up at Harry one last time, feeling like maybe this is the end, and sighs. “I guess I’ll see you around then? I don’t come out to LA all that much, but…” he shrugs. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to say goodbye, but he doesn’t know what else there is to say.

Harry’s frown deepens with every word Louis says; he’s alarmed by the acidic mix of anger and sadness he can hear in Louis’s tone. It’s confusing to Harry that Louis isn’t just happy for him. “I had a plane ticket Lou I swear.” He reaches out to cover Louis’ hand in his own, barely flinching when Louis pulls his hand away from him. “Adam asked me on the Friday, he didn’t know I was flying back. I’m sure he’d have saved it if he did.” Harry swallows. “I’ve got a meeting with my management that I can’t miss, but please stay. Nap if you want, or talk to Adam.” He sighs as he stands. “Just please be here when I get back.”

Louis crosses his arms in front of his chest and he doesn’t want to be there anymore, to encroach upon this new happy life Harry’s got in some other country, with someone else, where he doesn’t need them anymore. “I don’t even _know_ him,” Louis snaps.

But he’s argumentative and he’s tired so he doesn’t want to leave just yet. There’s a little part of Louis who knows he won’t be satisfied until Harry’s hurting the same way he is, until he knows how this has affected the rest of them. He shrugs noncommittally and says, “I’ve got to finish my coffee, so.” It’s the best excuse for staying he’s got, because he doesn’t want to give the satisfaction of flat-out saying yes to Harry’s request. Not after years of being strung along in painful distanced text conversations.

His coffee is cold and when he tips the mug to his lips, he doesn’t actually take a sip, but it’s all Harry’s going to get out of Louis in that moment, so he’s going to have to just take it for what it is.

Harry squeezes at Louis’ shoulder, long fingers pressing into the fabric of the hoodie he’s wearing. “For what it’s worth Lou, I think you’d like him.” Louis keeps his face blank. He’s not so sure he’s going to like a guy who keeps Harry from the rest of his friends back in London. Harry bites his lip slightly, leaving Louis sat in the kitchen he calls out to Adam as he leaves. 

The house is a large, modern, open-plan thing, divided only by the odd art covered partition wall, so Louis can see as Harry engages in a hurried conversation with Adam before he leaves. After a quick kiss goodbye, Adam watches Harry leave, waving at him before closing the front door. He seems to hesitate before deciding to join Louis in the kitchen. 

“You must be Adam,” Louis says bitterly as he sees this strange man walk in. He knows nothing about him, and that leaves Louis feeling unsettled, defensive.

“I am. You must be Louis.” He shifts slightly on the spot, sock covered feet slipping slightly on the cold marble floor. “Look I know you don’t know anything about me and you’re right, Harry should have said something sooner. But he’s got his reasons and I’m not having you come here and set him back to how he was when we met.” Despite the depth of his words he works hard to keep his tone neutral. “We’ve got some tea from when his mom was here. I can fix you a cup and maybe we can talk a little? You can ask me some questions, I can ask you. Get to know one another.” 

“How noble of you, protecting dear Harold’s heart,” Louis says, rolling his eyes. He pushes the mug of cold coffee across the counter and says, “Tea, though. I’ll have some of that.” He leans back in his chair and watches as Adam puts on the kettle and gets him a new cup with a tea bag resting inside of it. He sets milk and sugar on the counter as well, and Louis eyes him warily. “I don’t know what you guys expect me to say to either of you,” Louis says finally. “He’s kept me in the dark. I deserve to be a little upset.”

Adam stands with his back against the countertop, his large, tan arms crossed in front of his chest. “I get that. You do deserve that, totally.” He drums his fingers slightly against his bicep, considering his next words before he says them. “I’m not Harry. I can’t speak for him. But when we met he was pretty beat up. Emotionally anyway. Seemed awfully tired for a guy in his mid twenties.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “You think he was the only one that tired by the end of things?” he scoffs. “We all were. We all kept in touch, but then he fucked off to LA and didn’t speak to us anymore. Didn’t even come back for our babies, and he fucking _loves_ babies. He never comes back for anything or gives us any explanation as to why.” Louis stands to make himself a cup of tea, and as he does, he says, “You know that cliche about how people sometimes meet someone and start dating them and then blow off their friends so all of their friends hate the person they’ve started dating? Not pointing fingers, but.” He shrugs.

He’s aware of how immature he sounds, but Louis is angry and tired and severely jet lagged, along with missing his family -- the people who still love him and include him in important things -- so he’s not in the best of moods. Once his tea is made to his satisfaction, he sits back down at the counter and studies Adam with an icy, hard gaze.

Adam’s gaze doesn’t wither under Louis’ icy stare, he just maintains it, his warm brown eyes totally steady. “You know, I’ve dealt with dying kids less bitter than you.” Louis sets his mug down angrily with a thud. That’s certainly not fair, he thinks.

Adam moves, shifting around the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. “Remove your hurt from this for just a second and think about if a person you’d imagined a life with was living it with your best friend. You were creating a new life for yourself and your daughter and that is completely valid. But I don’t think Harry felt like he had a place in the happiness you were all living.” With his coffee made, Adam wraps his large hands around the mug. It’s a weirdly misshapen thing that has ‘I love daddy’ painted on it in a child’s handwriting. “He was just protecting himself Louis. Protecting you from the feelings he knew he wasn’t allowed to have.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “I don’t understand the point of this conversation. Is it to prove that you love Harry? Because no, trust me, I get that. We hear the message loud and clear: nobody will ever matter as much to Harry as you do, now,” Louis snarls. “But he should have talked to us. If not to me than to Niall or Liam, because he wasn’t in love with _them_.” Upset, Louis stands up and steps away from the counter. “Not that this hasn’t been an absolute _delight_ ,” he says sarcastically. “But I’d quite like that nap now.”

Adam nods his head, not moving from where he’s propped against the counter. “Guest room is the second bedroom on the left as you go up. First room is my sons. You’re welcome in there if pirate beds are your thing, but the guest room is comfier.” 

Louis just nods, ignores the joke because it’s not that funny, unless you’re Harry. And oh, that sort of explains some of it, whether Louis wants to admit it or not. He brings his tea with him as he trudges up the stairs, and he tries not to think too much about it, about Harry falling in love and getting engaged and parenting a child without bothering to tell any of them. If he does, he’ll just get tense and upset all over again.

He looks at his phone and does a quick calculation -- it’s nearly one in the morning back home, so he can’t even call Nick. Knowing Nick’s got his phone on silent, Louis calls anyway and leaves a voice message as he pulls back the blankets on the bed and closes the blinds, blocking out the harsh Los Angeles sunlight. “Hey Nick,” he says softly, exhausted. “I made it to LA. I’m at Harry’s. It’s…” He rubs a hand down his face and lets out a shuddering breath. “I shouldn’t have come,” he says softly. “I miss you all so much. Give the kids kisses for me, and… call me when you wake up. I don’t care what time it is, alright?” He really just wants to hear Nick’s voice. It’s scary, how much Nick’s voice has turned into a source of comfort for him. “I love you all, and I can’t wait to get back home.”

After he rings off, Louis looks through a few photos on his phone of everyone, reminding him of what he has to look forward to when he goes back. Slowly, he drifts off to sleep, waking a few hours later when he hears conversation downstairs between Harry and Adam. It’s muffled, through the walls, but it’s got him awake. The sun is setting in LA now, so Louis knows he hasn’t been asleep all that long, but he’s awake now and he ought to go downstairs and sort this out so he can get back home to his family.

Sleep-rumpled, Louis wanders downstairs, his shoes in one hand and his phone in the other, all the rest of his luggage still out in the rental car. He sees the two of them in the lounge and just waits, not sure what to say.

Why Harry had thought this would be easy he’s not sure, Louis’ never been predictable in his reactions and this time is no different. He hears the slight thud on the wooden steps as Louis makes his descent down the stairs, there’s a big part of him that just wants Louis to leave, feels like it’d be easier. But there’s an even larger part of him that just wants to be a part of his friends lives again, to have them meet Adam and Nathan to see their kids grow up. If he wants those things he knows he’s got to be an adult. Standing up from the sofa he turns to look over at Louis. “Can we try talking again. Please.” 

Louis nods. “Yeah, we should,” he says, his voice hoarse from sleep. “I’m only here until tomorrow night. I’m taking the red-eye back to London so I can take the kids to school on Monday.”

He sits down on the sofa at the opposite end as Harry and brings his knees up toward his chest, just like he did when they were still a band, when Harry still knew him. “I just want to know why you ignored everyone, if it was just me and Nick you didn’t want to hurt,” Louis says softly, sounding defeated. “I mean, even Niall. _Everyone_ loves Niall. And he misses you the most, even still.”

Harry reaches out for Adam’s hand. “I didn’t feel like I had a place in your lives anymore.” He swallows,threading his fingers within Adam’s for comfort. “You and Liam were starting families and Niall just fit like he always does and I felt like a spare part.”

“Harry,” Louis starts, but he pauses. He breathes and closes his eyes and says, “We never meant to make you feel like that. If I would have known, we would’ve -- I mean, we could’ve --” He shakes his head. He doesn’t know what they would have done, but he would have tried _anything_ to keep Harry from feeling the way he had. 

“I just wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me anyway, even when you worried I was going to get angry. Because you _know_ me, Harry.” Louis looks up at him sadly. “And now… we’re honestly fucking scared we’re never going to get the band back together. And don’t say we can do it as a four-piece, because we don’t want to. We’re not doing this without you.”

There’s a twist in Harry’s chest and the words _we’re not doing this without you_ bounce around in his head for a beat. He never imagined he’d ever hear those words out of Louis’ mouth especially not after confessing his feelings for Nick. “I’d like to..” he looks down at Adam’s hand, fiddling with the ring on the other man's finger before looking back up at Louis. “I want too. There’s stuff I need to consider. But I want too.” 

Louis frowns. It sounds like Harry’s trying to say no, but by not actually saying it, and he heaves a sigh. He’s too tired to get argumentative, and he holds his knees to his chest as he says, “Yeah… whatever you need.” He doesn’t want to cause a scene. If Harry’s not feeling it, then it won’t be a good reunion, anyway. 

Louis isn’t sure what else to say, so he’s quiet, watches the way Harry’s nervously playing with the rings on their fingers. He wishes more than anything that Harry didn’t feel like a stranger anymore.

Harry can’t help but blow a frustrated huff at Louis’ flat reaction to his words. It’s his fault his life is so unknown to Louis, he knows that, but he’s giving him the opportunity now to ask all the questions he wants and he’s not taking the bite. It’s frustrating to Harry. So he lets the silence drag on, as it has for years, just as unwilling as Louis to be anything but stubborn. 

Adam untangles his fingers from Harry’s, squeezing at his thigh when he stands. Harry gives him a curious, unsure look, his frown only deepening when he takes a seat across from them, leaving them both sat alone on the overly plush sofa. “You’re both going around in damn circles. It’s like watching kids in a playground.” He shrugs a little and says, “The way I see it you were best friends once, so you can be that again. Just stop with the sorrys and talk.” He points at where Harry’s iPad is sitting on the coffee table. “Show him Nathan or the kids. Hell, show him the damn cat. Just fill the guy in, Harry.”

“You have kids?” Louis asks Harry, looking up at him strangely, a bit of sadness in his voice because Harry hadn’t told him.

There’s a flush to Harry’s cheeks as he reaches out for the iPad. He gently nudges his foot against Adam’s, silently giving him thanks. “No? I mean not yet. In the process.” He turns the thing on, bringing up his photo stream. He tilts it so Louis can see a photo of himself, Adam and three young children in front of the castle at Disney. 

He points first at the child dressed as a pirate, he’s the spitting image of Adam, tall for his age and with the same honey tan skin. “That’s Nathan, he’s ten now. This was taken last year,” he explains. He swallows suddenly, feeling an awkward sort of tension that he’s left Louis out of all of these parts of his life. 

He pushes on though, this time pointing out the chubby toddler that Adam has against his hip. She’s got a head full of tight black curls and pouty little rose pink lips, her green eyes are focused intently on something outside of the photo. “That’s Rosa, three next birthday.” His face lights a little with a smile “She’s so funny Lou. You’d love her. I caught her trying to ride the cat last week,” he laughs. 

He bites his lip a little, pointing out the other little boy in the photo. This child doesn’t look quite as happy as Nathan or the little girl, but you can see the photos been taken just as something pulled his attention in the foreground. “Finally we have Jude. Eight going on forty.” 

Adam pipes in then, voice soft. “He’s a complicated little dude,” he says. “Worships his little sister.” 

Harry looks up at him with a gentle, fond expression, and says, “They’re not ours yet. They stay for short periods. Jude has behavioural stuff so they need to be sure he’ll be happy with us.” He looks over at Louis, making sure he’s caught his eye. “They’re the only reason I need to consider this thing. They should be ours soon, but the adoption stuff is so complex. I don’t want anything to make them put the date back further.”

Louis listens without a word, looking up when he can tell Harry needs him to, but always dropping his gaze back down to the photo. He drops his knees so his legs are crossed in front of him, looking less defensive, and he says, “I get it. I really do, Harry. We’ve all sort of been through the ringer with this adoption thing with Niall, too.” He looks up at Harry. “I’m not asking you to put this off. You know that, right?” His voice is soft and a little worried.

“Of course Lou. I’d never think that,” Harry insists. He hadn’t for one second thought Louis would want him to put important things back, recognises that to Louis, family is the most important thing. 

Louis fumbles into his pocket and pulls out his iPhone. He opens his own photo stream and first shows a photo of Evie at her last recital. “Here’s Evie,” he says, tilting the phone toward Harry. “She’s gotten into ballet now. She’s really good at it. Her teachers have her in higher levels and they’re prepping her to audition for the Royal Ballet. It’s… it’s fucking terrifying, seeing her so grown up on stage and auditioning for professional roles and a spot at such a good school.”

He swipes through a few photos and lands on one of Ollie. He’s covered in paint from head to toe, but he’s smiling at his easel. “He likes art,” Louis says. “Ollie, I mean. And animals. God, he keeps begging us for another pet, but…”

Louis sighs. He’s not ready to talk about that with anyone -- he hopes Harry will understand.

Then he lands on a photo of the triplets, all gathered together at their birthday. Poppy’s grinning where she stands in the grass with Zayn’s leather jacket draped on her, drowning her since she’s clearly too small for it. Toby’s grinning with his new football jersey and football to match, and Alfie’s blurry, trying to scoot away on his scooter. “These are the triplets,” Louis says fondly. “Toby, and Alfie, and there’s Poppy,” he says, pointing to each of them. “This was at their party. I can’t believe they’re one now…”

The tension Harry had felt since Louis arrived slowly starts to dissipate with every photo Louis shows him; the happiness that shines in his voice is absolutely enough to make Harry’s heart feel twice it’s size. “God they’re beautiful Lou.” He reaches out to flick back to the photo of Ollie. “He looks so much like Nick, I can’t believe how big he’s gotten.” He feels a little choked up all of a sudden trying to cover it with a clear of his throat. It’s silly, he thinks, that he’s let his own insecurities come between getting to know his friends’ children. “And Evie. God. The Royal Ballet. That’s huge Lou.”

“Harry, maybe we can visit soon. We’re going back for that thing with Gemma right?” Adam suggests, shifting in his seat a little, making an attempt at pulling Harry out of whatever thought is making his eyes swim a little. “I mean if that’s something you’d be open to Louis.”

Louis nods. “Yeah… yeah, you guys definitely can,” he says. “Nick would like that, too. And… you guys should meet Liam and Sophia’s kids, too. Maddie’s a bombshell and she’s only five. It’s… well, we didn’t expect anything else from those two, did we?” He laughs a little, but he’s feeling choked up too, because Harry is, and because this is a lot all at once.

Harry smiles over at Adam and laughs a little at Louis, “Still can’t believe Liam’s a proper dad and not just dad to the band.” He shakes his head, looking fond. “I’d love to see everyone,” he confesses. 

Harry glances over again at Adam to ask, “You can get some time?” 

Adam nods, “I could use a little holiday. Better now I’m not working in emergency. I’ll speak to Nate’s dad, see if we can’t take him with us. Same age as Evie right?” Louis nods. Sometimes Harry thinks he can’t love Adam any more than he already does but then he goes and remembers the tiny things that others would forget and Harry loves him all the more. 

Louis looks at his calendar on his phone and says, “Alright. Nick and I haven’t really got much out of the ordinary… if you come at the end of the month, you can make it to Evie’s ballet recital. She’s doing a duet with one of the guys from the young teens group. She’s already doing duets with _boys_.” Louis groans, but he’s smiling.

Hesitantly, Louis adds, “Maybe we can meet up with the rest of the band? Just to like… talk. Sort out what we might want to do one day… if anything.” He watches Harry closely.

There is deep enthusiasm in the nod and positive sound that Harry makes in response. “I want that. I do.” he nods again. “I need to think about the kids and about our wedding. But I do want this to happen Lou, promise.” 

From his seat Adam clears his throat and adds, “I want it to happen, too. Didn’t get to see you first go round did I? And you know how nerdy Nate gets about your music. Number one Harry Styles fan, right there,” he laughs, eyes crinkling with a warm smile as he looks over at Louis. “He brainwashed my poor innocent little five year old! Got him listening to his moody guitar music.” 

Harry pulls a silly face at him, kicking out at his feet. “It’s not my fault his dad had him believing that musical soundtracks were the greatest things in music,” he grins over at him, flipping him off before turning his attentions back to Louis. “Ignore Dr. Broadway. I want this Lou, you can go back and tell them that.” 

Louis nods. “I will. And… tell us when you can make it out, yeah?” he asks. “Everyone’s going to be really excited to see you guys.” Louis picks at his jeans and checks the time.

“I know I sort of dropped in on you guys,” he says apologetically. “I’m only here until tomorrow; I’ve got to get back to get the kids to school, but…” Louis looks at Adam. “Thanks for letting me in. And… maybe we could do dinner or something before I’ve got to leave?”

It will take some time to really trust Harry again, but there’s no better time to start than the present, so he tries to push away any residual feelings of resentment so that he can enjoy the last of his time LA before he flies back to London.

Adam and Harry share a look for just a beat, silently making sure they’re on the same page. Adam is the first to speak, standing up from the chair. “I’m picking Nate up from little league. I can drop him with his dad if you’d rather…” Harry intercepts the sentence too look at Louis. “I’d like for you to meet him. If it’s okay? There’s an Italian place we can go to and he’s well behaved.” 

Louis smiles. Things feel like they’re getting back to normal, and the fact that Adam and Harry trust him to meet Nate is a big deal to him. “I’ll just wash up, and then we can go, if that’s alright?” he suggests. Adam and Harry nod. 

It’s one of the best nights Louis has had in LA in a very long time.

\----

Louis is completely wiped out by the time he gets back to London, and as soon as the kids are off to school and nursery, he’s climbing into bed. Nick’s doing his radio show, which Louis listened to whilst taking the kids where they needed to be, but now he’s ready to sleep. He’d love to stay up the whole show and support him, but right now Louis would rather be dead to the world.

Nick will understand.

He wakes up hours later to the feeling of Nick patting his hair out of his face. Louis squishes his eyes shut; he really should get his hair cut. It’s awfully long, and the fringe doesn’t work for him the way it used to -- except to cover up his receding hairline. In that respect, it’s absolutely brilliant. He hates getting old, hates the way he feels it deep in his bones, sees it in the mirror as more wrinkles show up on his face. He’s only thirty-two and yet he feels like he’s over the hill; he’d even argue that Nick looks younger than he does, and Nick’s _ancient_.

Slowly, Louis blinks his eyes open to look up at Nick. He’s left the lighting dimmed and he’s smiling fondly down at Louis, who’s still curled up in his Adidas sweats, atop the blankets because he was too lazy to crawl underneath them before passing out.

“Welcome back, love,” Nick says softly.

Louis smiles, his eyes closing again as he stretches. His joints crack. His smile fades.

“We missed you,” Nick adds before leaning in to steal a kiss, one hand falling to Louis’s hip, thumb brushing his hip bone. 

After a long yawn, Louis says, “I missed you lot, too.” He tugs at Nick’s fancy-looking shirt, pulling without regard to just how fancy it might be. “C’mere,” he mutters.

Nick chuckles and obliges, curling up next to Louis on the bed. The fluffy blankets bunch up around them and Nick settles in, fully aware that he’s not going to get Louis out of bed for the rest of the day, save for maybe dinner. Maybe.

Louis tells Nick everything about LA, each unsettling detail, each snide remark that has stuck in his brain since he arrived at Harry and Adam’s… and eventually he dozes off to sleep again, his body not sure how to handle the abrupt change of time zones once again. Nick holds Louis tight to his chest, a spare quilt thrown over them haphazardly, and he can’t help but take a silly Snapchat video (complete with Louis’s snoring) _and_ post an adorable Instagram post of them whilst Louis naps.

Nick never asked what’s happening with the reunion, never pushed for an answer because it seemed like such a sensitive subject, and he’s glad for it. Louis looks so peaceful, he’d hate to wipe that look off his face. He loves him too much to risk that. The trip was hard enough on him.

Louis looks more himself once the kids are home, too, and he’s wrapped up in toddler hugs from the triplets, Toby especially, who’s taken a specific liking to Louis. Now he’s got that big grin back on his face, and Nick’s glad for it.

He never thought he’d end up living in a world where his whole life revolves around Louis Tomlinson, but here he is, and he’d never be anywhere else.

\----

“Everyone look here!”

It’s hard, managing to get eighteen people to all look at the camera and smile at the same time, especially when nine of them are children. It’s even worse when most of the children are five or younger, and don’t have the attention span to sit and take photos.

They’re determined to get a good one though, and by the time the photographer has spent every ounce of energy into trying, and after a few kids have breakdowns, including Poppy and Charlie, they finally give up.

The official One Direction Instagram posts the photo without a caption, and Nick regrams it to his followers as well.

It’s going to be a huge show, broadcast from a tiny area. There’s a small live audience, only about a thousand people, mostly celebrities or their children, but there’s all the technology set up to broadcast on the web.

They’ve made sure nothing will happen like it did on 1D-Day, and that the technology will work for everyone around the globe. The recording will go onto YouTube once it’s finished airing live, and the whole world will be able to see the reunion and watch it over and over again, for as long as they want.

Because as One Direction announced in their first press conference in nearly ten years: this is a once in a lifetime event. No more reunion shows will happen anymore. Harry’s got his family in LA now, and Niall’s moved back to Ireland so his son Deaglan grows up to love the country that Niall is so proud to be from, and nearly everyone else wants to get out of London, to move somewhere bigger, more private and more free -- a slower pace.

Liam and Sophia are moving out of the city. They’ve found a nice house in a private neighborhood with plenty of space for the kids. Liam’s opening up a school nearby to give vocal lessons and teach songwriting seminars in the evenings, and Sophia commutes into the city to work with the Royal Ballet on their costumes, when she’s not in her private home studio building the costumes, that is.

Just down the street, Nick and Louis are building a bigger house. They’d thought the one they first bought together was perfect for them, but then the triplets started to grow, and now they’re nearly ready for big kid beds, which means they’re ready for their own rooms. When word got out that they were shopping for properties, they were approached by the show Grand Designs to be a part of it, and since they’d missed being on the telly, both Nick and Louis figured why not? So they said yes, and now the show’s documenting the building of their new house, just down the street from Liam and Sophia.

Louis is most excited about his kids and Liam’s kids getting to grow up as friends and neighbors. Friends like that are the best, he thinks, and besides, he doesn’t want any of Liam’s kids to ever feel like Liam did -- like they didn’t have any friends. If school somehow fails them, at least they can go home to Evie and Ollie and the triplets.

Zayn and Gigi get a fancy loft in downtown London, choosing to stay there since she’s an art lecturer and he’s doing a lot of charity work related to art museums and the like. He’s got a scholarship fund set up specifically for Muslim teens interested in the arts, his passions lying in making sure these students have the opportunity for greatness as well.

They’re all branching out, doing their own thing, and coming together one last time as a group before the official end of One Direction.

It feels right. 

It’s the closure Louis needs. 

He’s jittery, nervous as to how the kids will react to seeing him perform live. There’s a special section by the stage for the parents and their kids, and all nine of the kids are wearing headphones for the sound and sitting with their other parents, or in Deaglan’s case, sitting with Gigi.

They’re all excited to show their families that they can still do this. They’re proud they came together to give the world the closure they all needed, too.

Standing in a circle, microphones in hand, they reach out with their other hands to pile them together, like they always used to do. Louis thinks he’s about to have a heart attack, his heart is racing so fast in his chest, but this is it. This is the end, and this is what he’s pushed for year after year. He catches Harry’s eye across the circle and they share a smile.

Harry counts them off and they bounce their hands, and when they hear the music start, Louis already feels his eyes getting wet.

He can’t even be upset that this is the end, anymore, because it feels right. The tears are relief, and they’re pride, and they’re happiness that after all the hard work, they’ve managed to end up back here, together, singing one last time.

Louis worries that his voice will shake too much once he starts singing, and he sees the emotion on the others’ faces too, and for a fleeting second he thinks that they’re going to fuck this up. That their last show together is going to be terrible.

But then Liam starts to sing -- Liam, their rock -- and his voice is firm and steady. Familiarity creeps back into Louis’s bones and he knows it’s going to be alright. He knows they can do this without hiccup. It’s coming back to him like riding a bicycle, the way it feels being on stage with these four -- his brothers. His life for five whole years, when he had nobody else except the voice in a telephone message or the words in a text message.

When Niall takes his part of the verse, just as steady as Liam, Louis feels comfort. He feels warmth. He feels like when this is over, it’s all going to be alright. They’ve done this, and now they’re about to be done for good. He can close the book on this chapter of his life.

These are his boys, and they’re not going anywhere.

_Don’t forget where you belong, home._  
_Don’t forget where you belong, home._  
_If you ever feel alone, don’t._  
_You were never on your own,_  
_And the proof is in this song..._

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not post future fics someday, but for now, this is where I will leave it.
> 
> Thank you again for all the support and encouragement, everyone.


End file.
